You don't know how it feels
by Mcflyer101
Summary: Poppy sees herself as an average girl; nothing special. But her boyfriend loves her more than anything and can't understand how she could see herself as anything other than perfect. Can he make her realise before it's too late? Rated M for self harm in later chapters: you've been warned! It is a McFly fic, not anything to do with the movie!
1. Chapter 1

**(AN: Hey people of the fanfiction universe! This is my first crack at a fic so if you review.. Which I hope you do! .. Please be nice! And feel free to message me with any ideas or anything :D) Disclaimer: I don't actually own McFly or anything, if I did I definitely wouldn't be writing about it! ;) Also this story does include self harm in future chapters so be warned!**

_Beep... Beep... Beep... Beep..._

_"Poppy...? Pops, please wake up... Please.. I-I'm so sorry.."_

**Poppy's POV**

I've never been a particularly outgoing person, not overly confident or in your face, but I am extremely lucky because I have the best and most gorgeous boyfriend in the world. Harry Judd.

Even though he is my boyfriend he is also my best friend, the one person I would turn to when feeling low; well that's what I thought anyway..

The one bad thing about being the girlfriend of the Adonis drummer of McFly is the fact that I will never be the super model Aphrodite that he needs.. And deserves.

Harry being Harry, he doesn't understand how it feels to be an average girl dating a gorgeous guy. He doesn't understand how it feels to know that I will never be the girlfriend he should have. The girlfriend that he deserves. Better than me.

He just doesn't see it.

_**One week earlier (saturday) **_

"Babe, stop fussing you look gorgeous." Harry said to Poppy - his girlfriend of three years.

"I'm almost done, just let me finish my makeup" sighed Poppy as she did the finishing touches with her favourite peach and mango flavoured lip gloss. She looked at herself in the full length mirror in the bedroom she shared with Harry and couldn't help but sigh 'well it looks like this as good as it will get' she thought to herself disappointedly, staring at her reflection noticing how her dress was not as filled out in the bust as much as it should be, and her stomach - she couldn't ignore that making its appearance through her dress; 'should have skipped dinner' she thought.

Harry came up behind her as she silently judged herself in the mirror, wrapping his arms around her waist lovingly as he gently moved her chocolate brown curls over her shoulder so he had access to her flawless neck, gently pressing soft, sensual kisses all along her neck and shoulder before making his way up to her earlobe slowly and nibbling on it, making Poppy hum in appreciation and pleasure at the tingles down her spine and the shivers that Harry so often sent through her body at the slightest of touches.

"Mmm, you look gorgeous tonight Poppy. Stunning as always" Harry murmured against her neck as he continued to press delicate kisses on her soft skin as his big hands caressed her stomach whilst still hugging her from behind; her back pressed to his muscular chest, where she felt safe.

"Harry, mmm, you don't want to make us late hun... Everyone will be waiting for us" sighed Poppy. "Let them wait, I want to take in my stunning girlfriend's beauty before she gets bombarded by all the jealous guys at the club; whom I will have to fight off because you're mine.." Harry stated, trailing off at the end as he resumed kissing Poppy's shoulder. Little did he know, Poppy never believes Harry when he tells her she's gorgeous or stunning, she just couldn't see it; and she never has time to notice the guys drooling over her at the clubs because she is too busy noticing the girls throwing themselves at Harry. All of those girls with bigger boobs, curvier frames, longer legs and bags more confidence than her how can Harry not notice?

The doorbell rang and Harry grudgingly pulled away and ran downstairs to see the taxi driver at the door. "Pops hun! Taxi's here!" Harry called up as Poppy pulled her shoes on and teetered down the stairs, out the door and into the taxi.

Harry got in after her and told the driver where to head to, "To the Blue Lagoon Lounge please mate!" Harry said cheerfully, the driver nodded and started to drive.

As Poppy mentally prepared herself for another night of watching woman fall all over her boyfriend, she had no idea about the events that will take place that night...


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

The thumping of the music could be heard from outside the club, Harry and Poppy walked up to the door and past the queue, the bouncer nodded to Harry and let them in. Poppy grasped Harry's hand as he lead them through the dance floor and to the VIP area where Tom, Gi, Dougie, Lara, Danny and Georgia were all waiting for them.

They all waved excitedly as Harry and Poppy sat down in the booth with them, Tom leaned over and shouted over the music "Well it's about bloody time you two showed up!" he exclaimed. "We wanted to wait before we started drinking but you both took forever!" Danny laughed with his thick Bolton accent.

"Well we would have been here sooner if Poppy didn't look so damn gorgeous!" Harry chuckled as he winked at his girlfriend who naturally blushed and went back to her conversation with the girls. "Oh you animal!" the youngest member gasped mockingly as the others all chuckled.

* * *

As the evening went on the friends all drank together and laughed together, a very drunk Harry dragged a very sober Dougie to the dance floor and began to dance as if they didn't care about anything whilst everyone watched. Tom and Gi went to get another round of drinks in as Danny lead a giggling Georgia to the bathroom; they honestly couldn't keep their hands to themselves!

Poppy was sat in the booth talking with Lara, both girls laughing at their boyfriends 'shaking their thang' on the dance floor. As the song ended Dougie returned to the booth and Harry made his way to the bar, Lara moved up so her boyfriend could sit next to her in the booth and he wrapped his arm around her and kissed her head as she began to giggle, "Great dancing up there babe! You looked like you were having the time of your life!" Lara teased giggling "Never speak of it.." Dougie sighed as he shook his head, both Lara and Poppy started to giggle at his dismay.

Poppy looked over to the bar to see where her boyfriend had gotten to when she saw a sight that made her gasp. Harry was indeed standing at the bar, but with a busty blonde hanging off his arm and whispering things in his ear, Poppy was too shocked to notice that Harry was indeed looking very uncomfortable as he tried to shake the blonde off and she was having none of it, the blonde held on tighter and started to run her fingers through his hair and even leant in to kiss his neck, Poppy got up and ran out when she saw the mysterious blonde nibble on Harry's earlobe.

Dougie and Lara had no idea what had happened and came to the conclusion that their friend simply needed the toilet, that's why she ran so fast. However Harry quickly sobered up once he saw his girlfriend running out of the club in tears. "Shit." He muttered as he pushed the blonde off his arm and ran out after Poppy, he knew about his girlfriend's issues with confidence and the fact that she never thought she was good enough and this is definitely not going to help the situation.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

** Poppy's POV**

I knew it was bound to happen sometime but I never thought it would be tonight. I should be happy, I mean Harry has finally figured out I'm not good enough for him and has moved on to a prettier, more confident girl.

I can't stop the tears that fall from my eyes, my vision is blurred as I leg it out of the club hoping nobody will stop me, I just need time to accept that Harry has got what he deserves: a beautiful girl. I run out the door and stop outside the club so I can rest against the wall, when I hear it "POPPY! POPS WHERE ARE YOU?" Shit. It's Harry. I can't let him see me cry, he needs to know it's okay for him to move on and that I'm okay with it.

I don't move at all and hope that he goes back inside. Just my luck he turns and notices me standing against the wall bawling my eyes out, he runs over and pulls me into a bear hug, I can't help but lean into him and cry even harder. He strokes my hair and shushes me, telling me it will all be okay; the way only Harry can but he doesn't know how it feels, it won't be okay... far from it.

"Why did you run from me babe?" Harry asks me calmly, with a slight tone of hurt in is voice. I can only manage a stuttered reply, "Y-You... S-S-She... she is better... f-for you-" Harry cut me off with a kiss, filled with passion and love which I eagerly returned although I was now very confused.

Harry pulled away and looked into my eyes whilst still holding my face so I couldn't look away, "Pops, there is no girl I would rather be with then you. You are beautiful and absolutely perfect... I know you don't see it but you need to know that I could never ever leave you.. I love you. Only you." He said to me whilst staring into my eyes, he kissed me again and then just looked at me, waiting for me to respond.

"You don't see it Harry, you're too good to see it but I do and everyone else does, I am not good enough for you, you deserve better. I can't be that gorgeous girl that you deserve... I'm not a model like Georgia, or beautiful like Lara and Gi..." I looked down at the floor hoping he couldn't see the hurt in my eyes as I admitted the truth. Harry just shook his head and said "You are perfect, especially for me." He took my hand and lead me back inside to get our coats, there was a nagging feeling in the back of my mind that if Harry wasn't going to admit it, then I would just have to sort it for him. I promised I would never do what I'm planning again, but it is for the best.

**A/N: Please review and let me know what you think and if I should continue, I will try to keep updating but let me know! Thanks to anyone who's read it anyway! x**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

**A/N: Thanks to Hannah1313 for being my first reviewer! You are awesome :D So here's chapter 4, I hope everyone likes it, please review and let me know :)**

**Harry's POV**

I'm getting really worried about Poppy, I mean she just ran out the club in tears, when I found her I had to explain to her how I only love her and I couldn't leave her, and as I took her back inside to get our jackets and say goodbye to the guys, I explained how I didn't know that woman and she just started coming onto me, Poppy understood and had calmed down a bit now. I wrapped my jacket around her petite frame and told the guys we were going home, and that I'd see them tomorrow for band practice. Once outside I wrapped my arm around my beautiful girlfriend and called us a taxi.

We soon pulled up outside our flat, Poppy had fallen asleep on my shoulder so I paid the taxi driver and gently slipped Pops into my arms and carried her inside and up to our flat. I managed to open the door and get her onto our bed without waking her up, 'She must be knackered' I thought to myself, I decided to get her into her pyjamas so I slipped her dress off and got her into her pyjama shorts and vest. She didn't even stir bless her, we'll have a proper conversation in the morning about what happened tonight.

I took my shirt off and my jeans before climbing into bed next to Poppy and snuggling up to her, I honestly have no idea what I'd do without her... She doesn't understand how it feels, when she denies how beautiful and amazing she is... It hurts me to know she will never see herself how I see her. Perfect.

**Poppy's POV**

I slowly open my eyes and look at the alarm clock and see that it's 3am. Sighing quietly I untangle myself from a sleeping Harry and I sneak out of bed. I tiptoe into the kitchen to get myself a glass of milk, after pouring the milk into a mug and popping it in the microwave and waiting. I sat myself down on the side as I listened to the silence of the flat filled with the whirring of the microwave; after it pinged I hopped down from the side to get my warm milk out. I silently moved into the living room and sat on the sofa as I began to sip from my mug.

My brain was filled with thoughts of tonight and what Harry said to me, _"You are beautiful and absolutely perfect..." "I love you. Only you"_

There was a voice in the back of my head nagging saying 'How could you possibly be perfect? You are the furthest thing from perfect and you know it. You are ruining Harry's life. You know it. He knows it. He just feels sorry for you; he feels so sorry for you because you're pathetic. He's too nice to dump your fat ass. He doesn't want you; he doesn't deserve to put up with you. Even your friends don't deserve to put up with you. Just do everyone a favour and get the razor blades. You know what to do with them. Just do it and make everyone happy.'

I let a tear trickle down my cheek as I listened to the voice and knew it was right, Harry didn't deserve this... Neither did Dougie, Tom, Danny, Georgia, Lara and Gi. None of them should have to put up with me and my shit anymore.

More tears have found their way out of my eyes and down my cheeks now as I realise what it is I have to do. Getting up and putting my mug on the side, I make my way to the bathroom after picking up some paper and a pen that was on the counter, I shut the door quietly and sit myself down on the floor. Looking at the blank paper in front of me I knew exactly what I needed to write to justify my actions. After finishing what I hope Harry will find I go to the drawer where my toiletries are kept. Opening the drawer I rummage through the bottles of shower gel and toothpaste to find what I'm looking for: My razors.

I open up a fresh pack and pull out one razor, I manage to get the blades from the head 'At least I haven't forgotten how to do that' I thought. My vision became slightly blurred as the tears built up in my eyes, I promised Harry I would never do this again... But I need to let him go, he needs to be able to move on. Clutching one of the blades in my trembling fingers I bring it down to my wrist and whisper "I love you Harry" before pressing down hard and dragging the metal along the flesh.

A few minutes later my arm and hand is covered in blood and I feel really light headed, I know I've finally done something right... Even though I broke my promise to the man I love I know that he will be happier without me and that I've done the right thing. I manage a small smile to myself before everything goes dark and I hit the ground.

**A/N: Don't worry, this isn't the end! I have a couple more chapters to add after I've finished them! Please let me know what you think of this chapter and the whole story! And I would love to hear any ideas that you guys have to put in future chapters! Just please let me know! Thank you to anybody who has read so far! xx**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

**Harry's POV**

_THUD._

I jolted awake suddenly. I look next to me and see that I'm the only one in the bed, where is Poppy?

I get up and go to the living room hoping to find Pops curled up with a mug of warm milk like she usually does when she can't sleep, but the living room is empty too; the same as the kitchen and the rest of the flat. "Poppy? Poppy where are you?" I call out for her but I get no response, frantically I start to run around the flat looking for her; opening every door in the flat and searching the room when I come across the bathroom door and I can't open it.

I bang on the door and try to open it but its locked, taking a few steps back I take a run up and smash my body weight against the door and after a few attempts the door finally opened and that's when I saw the scariest thing I have seen in a long time...

Poppy was lying on the floor in a puddle of blood, the blood was coming out of her arm, it took me a few seconds to take in the scene before me before I jerked back to life and ran over to Poppy. I pulled a towel off the hook and wrapped it securely over her arm, I paid no attention to how many cuts there were I just had to cover her whole arm and try to stop the bleeding, God knows how much blood she's lost already.

After securing the towel on her arm tightly to reduce any bleeding I propped her head up on my lap and tried to get her to come too. "Pops hun, can you hear me? Please Poppy wake up.." I said through tears as I searched to find a phone before I remembered it was in the bedroom.

After gently moving Poppy's head to rest on a towel I got up and sprinted back to the bedroom, not caring that I was also covered in blood now. All that mattered was getting Poppy safe, snatching my phone off the side I was trembling as I dialled 999, as I heard the dialling tone I ran back to the bathroom and back to Poppy, continuing to put pressure on her arm.

"Hello emergency services, which service do you require?" inquired the operator down the phone, I had to stop myself from stuttering through the tears that were threatening to spill over, "I-I n-need an ambulance! Please m-my girlfriend sh-she's u-unconscious!" I managed to get out. "Okay sir, I'm going to need you to calm down and tell me your address" the woman said, but after a few minutes she got all the details she needed and the ambulance was on its way, all I could do was wait... I sat beside Poppy and kept pressure on her arm and with my other hand I stroked her hair; that always relaxes her.

After what seems like hours, the ambulance arrives and I have to buzz them up and when they get up I am taken aside with another paramedic who tries to calm me down, I didn't even realise I was hyperventilating until the dude told me I was. He took me down to the ambulance whilst the other two got Poppy onto a gurney and carried her down.

As we sped off to the hospital I sat there staring at Poppy, she was laying on the gurney all strapped in with an oxygen mask on and a big bandage now replaced the towel that was tied around her arm. I was holding her hand and stroking to top of it with my thumb trying to reassure her, just so she knows I'm here and that I'm not going anywhere.

The paramedic asked me to let go of her hand after a while because she needed to put the clippy thing on her finger, I grudgingly let go and put my head in my hands. I can't believe I let this happen, after everything I should have recognised the signs, since the last time this happened I promised myself and her that I would take care of her... What a bang up job I've done. I can't believe I could have been so stupid and careless! Frustrated with myself I groan and tug at my hair, if she doesn't make it through this I don't know what I'd do...

**A/N: Yet another cliff hanger! I'll try to update sooner this time but keep the review's coming! If anyone has any ideas for the story let me know, what do you think should happen to Harry and Poppy? What happened to Poppy last time? Thanks to anybody who's read and reviewed!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

**Harry's POV**

Once we got to the hospital I wasn't allowed to follow Poppy through the ER, I was told to go sit in the waiting room until a nurse came to get me. Obviously I kicked up a fuss and tried to follow Pops and the doctors that took her, but one of the ER nurses came over to calm me down, "The best thing you can do for your girlfriend right now is just let the doctors do the best they can... You'll be notified straight away if anything happens, why don't you go call her friends and loved ones? Explain what happened, yeah?" she said soothingly as she led me to the friends and family room, all I could do was nod because I had lost all words after I saw Poppy being wheeled round that corner, not knowing how long it will be until I can see her again, or even if she'll live.

The nurse – Becca – brought be some water to help me calm down, after I shakily gulped the cold drink down Becca left me alone to call the guys. Staring at the time on my phone I saw it was 5:35 am; I decided to ring Tom first because he's always been the dad of the band and he would know exactly how to calm me down and handle the situation plus he would be the most likely to be awake right now.

"Hey umm Tom... I-I need you..." I said in a small voice _"Sure dude, what's up? You sound really shaken up... Are you okay?"_ his groggy 'just woke up' voice turning to one of concern, "Umm n-not really mate... It's Poppy, sh-she's had an accident, we're at the hospital a-and I really n-need y-you..." I started to choke up again as the circumstances of the situation hit me at full force again_. "We're on our way Haz don't worry"_ I could hear him moving around and getting dressed as he woke Gi up, _"Do you want me to call the guys now or wait until we get there?"_ he asked me. "W-wait" I said through tears hoping he could understand, he did because he said a simple _"Okay mate"_ before he hung up and I was left alone in the silence of the friends and family room once again.

**Tom's POV**

I woke up to the sound of my phone vibrating on my bedside table. I reached for it, ready to verbally slaughter the demon that dare ring at 5:30 in the morning. I see none other than Harry Judd's face light up on my screen, he better have a good explanation for this. I swipe the green arrow and press the phone against my head, "Hello. You've reached Tom Fletcher, at 5:30 in the morning. What the hell do you want?" I mumbled groggily down the phone, _"Hey umm Tom... I-I need you..." _Harry's usual manly, light-hearted tone was replaced with one of worry, dread and above all; fear.

I immediately sat up, getting extremely worried about my band mate, "Sure dude, what's up? You sound really shaken up, are you okay?" I asked, the concern coming through in my voice. _"Umm n-not really mate... It's Poppy, sh-she's had an accident, we're at the hospital a-and I really n-need y-you..."_ I could hear him starting to cry, it's like I could hear his heart breaking.

I didn't need any more explanation right now; I needed to be with my best friend. I asked him if he wanted me to call the guys but he wanted to wait until me and Gi got there. After I hung up I woke Gi up and explained the situation whilst throwing a hoodie on, she jumped out of bed and grabbed the nearest sweatshirt to her and pulled that on before we both sprinted down the stairs and out of the house.

I couldn't help but think about Poppy as we were speeding to the hospital, what happened? What if she didn't make it? I didn't want to know the answer to the last question, we had to think positive; for hers and Harry's sakes.

Once we arrived at the hospital both me and Gi pegged it into the hospital reception and up to the front desk, "Do you know where we can find Poppy Evans?" I asked politely to the lady at the desk, "Yes she was admitted about half an hour ago, I'm afraid we can't allow visitors just yet, I believe her boyfriend is waiting in the friends and family room just down that corridor if you wanted to join him" the receptionist gestured to the second corridor and I nodded in thanks and followed Gi as she practically flew down the hallway and to the family room.

We saw Harry with his head in his hands sitting on one of the chairs in the room, I've never seen him looking this stressed out before, I sat down beside him and just pulled him into a hug, no words were needed just yet. Gi sat down the other side of Harry and took a hold of his hand, he grasped her hand as if his life depended on it whilst his head remained buried in my shoulder as sobs began to wrack through his body, we just sat there as he cried trying our best to comfort him knowing he only needed one thing to calm him down; knowing Poppy was alright.

After about ten minutes, Harry had calmed down a little and I handed Gi my phone and asked her to call the guys and get them down here. She stepped outside to make the calls whilst I soothingly rubbed Harry's back as he stared straight ahead to the wall with a blank expression on his face.

I could guess what was going on in his head; he was blaming himself for whatever happened to Poppy, that is just how he works – he feels the need to protect everyone close to him and blames himself if anything goes wrong.

"Mate, it's not your fault; don't beat yourself up... I know you are and I also know that it isn't your fault." I stated. He looked at me and I had to hold back a gasp from the look in his eyes: pure hurt, pain and devastation. "How would you know? You don't know what happened Tom, I-I should have been there for her. It is all my fault." He whimpered and put his head back in his hands, grasping and tugging at his hair in frustration.

Gi came in a few minutes later and broke the silence, "Doug and Dan are on their way, Lara and Georgia are going to come down later if we're allowed to visit Poppy, we don't want to crowd the waiting area..." she said softly, Harry just nodded. Gi sat next to me and I took her hand and intertwined our fingers together, I grasped Harry's hand too, just so he knew that he didn't have to talk to us; that we would just wait it out.

**Harry's POV**

It felt as though time was standing still, it was now 6:47 in the morning. We had been waiting exactly 1 hour and 12 minutes and we still haven't heard anything about Poppy.

Dougs and Danny arrived about an hour ago, at the moment I am cuddled up to Dougie and staring at the clock, I don't know how much longer I can go without knowing anything. My leg has been shaking for the best part of an hour and that only happens when I'm agitated or nervous; right now I'm both.

Dougie must have noticed this because he asked Danny to go and find a nurse or a doctor and ask about Poppy, that was 15 minutes ago. Finally Danny came back and he had brought a doctor with him, I recognised his face... He was one of the doctors who took Poppy when we got here. I sat up straight as they both wandered in, the doctor glanced at his clipboard and looked back to me, "Are you Miss. Evans' boyfriend?" he asked me and all I could do was nod, he gestured for me to follow him into the hallway and I almost fell on my face as I stumbled out after him, eager to hear anything about Poppy.

"I'm extremely sorry Mr. Judd..." anything but that. I wanted to hear anything but that. He looked straight into my eyes as he was speaking but I couldn't hear anything, I could only see his mouth moving. No sound coming out at all. I'm not even sure I was breathing. She was gone. I was too late. He's going to tell me that they did all they could but it wasn't enough. The love of my life had gone.

He must have realised that I had frozen on the spot because his voice brought me out of my daze, "As I said, I am extremely sorry to keep you waiting for news about your girlfriend but we have managed to stabilize her." I finally began to breathe again as he continued, "She is up in ICU at the moment; I will have words with the nurse and attending doctor about letting you all visit soon okay?" he said to me, making sure I was still listening. I nodded in reply and managed to rasp out a relieved and very choked up "Thank you" before returning back into the waiting room to tell everyone the news, and for the first time in what felt like forever; I couldn't help but smile because, she was going to be okay.

**A/N: Please let me know what you think! Thanks to everyone who has read so far :)**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

**A/N: I'm sorry for not updating for a while! I've had really bad writers block so... I apologise if/because this chapter sucks. Here it is anyway!**

**Poppy's POV**

_Beep...Beep...Beep...Beep_

Black. That's all I see, nothing else; just black.

Where am I? Am I dead? Is that why everything is black? All these questions are swirling around in my head when I hear a faint voice,

_"Poppy...? Pops, please wake up... Please.. I-I'm so sorry.."_

That sounds like... Harry.

What is he doing here? If I can hear him, does that mean I'm not dead? He sounds so...upset.. I wish he knew how I did this so he could be free.

Even when I try to do the best for Harry I fail... The one thing I needed to do right and I fucked it up. Go me.

I think someone else has come in... The noises started to get quieter and fainter, I started to feel more tired and heavy. I didn't try to fight it, I just let myself fade away.

**Harry's POV**

Poppy was laying there in the hospital bed, she looked so peaceful. Even with all the wires, drips and tubes connected to her she still looked like an angel.

She's my fallen angel.

All I could ask myself was why, why did she do this again? How could I not notice? Kicking myself, over and over again because I wasn't there for her when she needed me.

Someone clearing their throat brought me out of my mental beating session; I looked up to see a young nurse standing at the door. I smiled half-heartedly at her as she came in, "I just came to see how her vitals are doing." She said sweetly and somewhat timidly; she must be quite new I concluded as I stepped out of her way so she could get to Poppy.

After a few minutes, she had checked Pops' vitals and changed some her drips over and she also left a jug of water for Poppy when she wakes up and a cup of hot chocolate from the canteen on the side for me, I smiled in thanks as she left, sat back beside Poppy and took her small, frail hand in mine gently as if I was afraid of breaking her, which I was.

I sat for hours just holding her hand, willing her to wake up. I needed to see her emerald green eyes sparkle again, I needed to see her smile and the adorable dimple that appears on her left cheek, the way her laugh will just brighten the room completely. I need her; more than she knows.

About two hours later I'm woken up by Dougie shaking my shoulder, "Dude, it's 6pm... We're going to get food, did you wanna join us?" he asked quietly. "Nah I'm alright mate, I'm gonna stick around until she wakes up..." I replied sleepily as I rubbed my face to wake me up.

"Okay, well we'll be back in a few hours to take you home?" he questioned, I shook my head "I'm going to be here with her, I can't leave her... Not again."

Dougie just nodded and said, "Call us if anything happens yeah?" to which I nodded and waved as he left me and Poppy alone again, I rest my head back down on the bed by her side, just waiting for her to come back to me.

I placed a gentle kiss on the palm of her hand and whispered "Pops.. Please, if you can hear me... wake up. Come back, I need you..." I felt absolutely helpless. If only I had been moments earlier, I could have prevented this.

That was all I could think about as I fell into a dreamless sleep.

**Poppy's POV**

I could feel myself surfacing again, I listened to the constant beeping; I must be in a hospital.

I start to wonder how I got here... Did Harry find me? How long have I been out? Am I going to die?

Someone has come into the room, maybe it's a doctor, I try to open my eyes again but it's like they're made of steel.. I can't move my body. I tell myself to open my eyes or even lift a finger but I couldn't.

Deciding to just listen to my surroundings I heard someone shuffling around, probably looking at some charts or something, I could also make out a soft snoring sound, I couldn't mistake that for anything else; it was Harry, he's still here... he stayed...for me. I felt myself being pulled toward him, the kind of pull you feel in your stomach; like butterflies in your belly.

The beeping monitor thing started going faster and I felt my whole body getting lighter, the darkness started to lift and I tried to open my eyes, my eyelids flickered and suddenly everything was bright.

My eyes adjusted to the light, I looked around and took in my surroundings; yep I was in a hospital. I didn't move anything else, I felt weirdly stiff and I didn't want to push anything. I looked down to see quite a few tubes and wires sticking out of my arms, I also noticed a lot of bandages around one arm, shuddering at the thought of what happened... I never thought I'd feel so ashamed of myself.

Out of the corner of my eye I see a head of ruffled brown hair; Harry. His head is resting by my side and my hand is resting in his, that's as much as I can see without sitting up but I could hear the heart monitor picking up speed, well my heart does race every time I see him, but I can tell my heart is pumping from the overwhelming feeling of everything that's happened.

The beeping must have woken Harry up, I could feel him stirring, I managed to weakly squeeze his hand and his head shot up instantly, he sat up and I was looking into those piercing blue eyes that I love. I tried to sit up but I was stopped by Harry shaking his head "No.. Don't move baby, wait for the doctor to get here okay?" he said shakily, I could see the tears threatening to spill out of his eyes, I just squeezed his hand again.

**A/N: And there's chapter 7! Please read and review and let me know what you thought or any ideas you have for the story! Thank you to anyone who has read so far! :)**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Sorry it's been a while! I have had immense writer's block, but I've got a few ideas on how to continue now :D sorry if its shit but hey ho! Please review! Thanks to anyone whose read and is still reading :) **

**Chapter 8**

**Poppy's POV**

A petite nurse came rushing in straight over to me; she had a chart in her hand and was reading it through. Harry was now sat up and still grasping my hand.

The nurse started telling me something about my vitals. I had no idea what she was talking about, I just looked at Harry to see if he could explain, he just smiled slightly and whispered, "You're going to be okay," I just breathed out a sigh of relief and let my head fall back against the plump pillow.

After the nurse changed the bag of liquid hanging on the drip, she smiled and said "You should be able to leave here tomorrow morning, but you will be on bed rest for a while, so no strenuous activity. I trust Harry here will see to that," she said with a smile. Harry just squeezed my hand gently as an answer. I just nodded as she left the room.

"You should get some rest Pops, I'll wake you up in like 20 minutes for dinner, okay?" Harry said gently as he tucked a stray piece of hair behind my ear, I just nodded and started to drift off to sleep; my hand still grasped in his.

_40 minutes later_

I was woken up by Harry, "Poppy, wake up babe..." I opened my eyes to see Harry sitting next to my bed, "It's time for you to eat something love, the nurse brought you some soup... I think it's chicken," he said whilst helping me sit up. He pulled the table thing over the bed and put the soup on it, I used my good arm to spoon some of the soup into my mouth whilst Harry poured me a glass of water and sat back down next to me, "Is it any good? The soup? Would you prefer something else?" I just shook my head, "It's lovely," I rasped, it feels like forever since I last spoke and hearing my voice is so strange but I just tucked into the soup.

By the time I finished my soup, everyone was here to visit me; Dougie, Lara, Tom, Giovanna, Danny and Georgia were all standing in my room smiling, laughing and chatting. Harry told them the good news that I was allowed to go home tomorrow!

Harry and the guys went to go get coffee for everyone, so I was left with all the girls who decided to gather on my bed and have a girly chat. "Well you scared us all half to death, Pops!" Gi chastised me although I could see the relief in her russet coloured eyes, "We were all so worried about you! Poor Harry was in a state, we thought the doctors were going to have to give him sleeping pills or something, he was completely freaking out!" Lara exclaimed, throwing her arms in the air to extenuate her point.

"Why did you do it, Poppy?" Georgia said, looking down at her hands as she fiddled with her nails, I could only sigh and say "I wasn't thinking... Well if anything I was over thinking... I just can't explain what was going through my mind," I tried to explain.

They all look at me, and I just look down at my lap and shrug my shoulders, there's a slight pause before Gi piped up "Well at least you have your own room, rather than a shared one with like 6 people in it..." she said trying to changing the subject, which I was insanely grateful for. The other girls quickly started talking about the hospital and how the food looked awesome in the canteen.

After a while, the guys came back with the coffee; one for each of us. Harry handed me my drink, knowing I didn't like coffee so he got me a hot chocolate, to which I smiled and he smiled back.

I loved his smile, the way it lights up the room and makes my insides melt; nobody else can make me feel how Harry does and I love him for it. After hearing how he was freaking out after the 'incident', it made me realise how stupid I was to try and throw this away- throw him away.

Shaking my head, trying to my mind of the thought, I saw Harry looking at me with confusion written on his face; I just give him a look that told him I'll explain later, he nods in to show me he understands, smiles and squeezes my hand comfortingly.

About two hours later, the nurse comes in to tell us visiting hours are over, and that everyone has to go. I got hugs and kisses from all of them and I tell them I'll see them tomorrow, as Harry was allowed to stay so after everyone was gone he came back over to sit beside me again.

I smiled at him, I felt so exhausted and my eyelids were getting heavier, I was just so looking forward to going home tomorrow.

** A/N: I'm sorry this chapter sucks so bad, I just thought it should end there! I wanna thank a new writer to fanfiction: holdmebackdumbledore for helping me with this chapter, go check out her fic; but be nice! Thanks again to everyone who's read and is still reading! xx**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Thank you to Galaxydefender49 for the review! I hope this next chapter is a bit more interesting :) please read and review if you like it or have any questions, as always a massive thank you to everyone who's read and is still reading! Xx**

**Chapter 9**

**Harry's POV**

Almost as soon as we got in the house Poppy was on the sofa; out for the count, bless her. The doctors told me that she would be overly tired for a few days while she recovered from the large amount of blood she lost, they said that she might feel dizzy and lightheaded for a few days and that she should just stay in bed until she gets her strength back.

I went and sat next to her on the sofa as she slept. She subconsciously curled up to my side as I rested my hand on her hip, slowly rubbing my thumb in a gentle circle on her side. This is what I usually do to help her relax; letting her know I'm here, always here for her.

It felt like hours that I had been continuously rubbing circles on her hip and staring blankly at the wall, my head filled with thoughts and questions of why, why would she do it? I felt useless, helpless and a complete and utter failure... A failure at being her boyfriend, someone who would protect her and look after her, instead I was too thick to see that she was feeling fucking suicidal. I was so frustrated with myself, I'd failed.

I was in the middle of mentally kicking my own arse, when I heard rustling outside, like someone had fallen in the bushes out front or something, so I gently removed myself from Poppy's side and went over to the window to peek through the curtains.

I saw something rustling in the bush and I opened the curtains all the way to get a better look, when some dude with a huge camera jumped up and blinded me with the flash. "OI, THEY'RE IN HERE! HARRY! WHAT HAPPENED? IS YOUR GIRLFRIEND GONNA BE ADMITTED TO REHAB?" The first reporter shouted as he flashed the camera in my face again.

Staggering back from the sudden brightness, three more reporters showed up and started shouting questions again.

I heard Poppy groan tiredly as the noise woke her. She turned over and faced the window and the reporters started to snap pictures of her and scream questions at her.

"IS IT TRUE YOU TRIED TO KILL YOURSELF?!"

"IS IT TRUE THAT YOU'RE ADDICTED TO COCAINE AND CAN'T PAY BACK YOUR DEALER?"

"ARE YOU AND HARRY SPLITTING UP?!"

She screamed and scrambled, pushing herself as far back into the sofa as far as she could go looking like a deer in the headlights. I jumped up and shut the curtains again before running to Poppy's side to pull her into a protective hug, reassuring her that she would be safe with me.

I heard her breathing become shallower and faster, as if she was trying to talk but couldn't manage to form any words at all. I'd seen this happen a couple of times before and I realised she was having a panic attack.

I scooped her up in my arms and ran upstairs to our room. The banging on the window and inquisitive questions of the reporters couldn't be heard from there and I fumbled through her drawer to find a paper bag she had there for emergencies and positioned it over her mouth.

As I held it over her mouth, she breathed in and out and began to hold my hands in place with each calmer and slower breath.

Once her breathing was relatively normal I took the bag away and pulled her into me, letting her head rest on my chest so I could wrap my arms around her and do my best to soothe her.

I tried not to think about what would be in the media tomorrow... I'd text Tom later but at that moment I had to focus on Poppy and keeping her safe.

Noticing Poppy's overnight bag from the hospital I remembered what the doctor prescribed her; anxiety pills. I fished through the bag and found the bottle of little green pills, tipped two out of the bottle and handed them to Poppy with the glass of water that was on the side table.

"These will calm you down Pops, make you feel better, okay?" I pleaded with her as she looked questioningly at the pills in her hand – she'd always hated taking tablets.

She debated with herself for a minute before she looked up at me. Seeing me nod to her in encouragement, she popped the pills in her mouth, tentatively sipped the water and tipped her head back to swallow them. "You'll feel better soon Pops, alright? Don't worry, everything is okay... I'm here, I'm not leaving..." I soothed her as she rested her head on my chest and sighed deeply, finally calming down slightly.

We sat like that for about 40 minutes before Poppy had fallen asleep. I manoeuvred our sitting position so we were lying back on the bed, and I could keep her cradled in my arms. I fell asleep like that and when I woke up Poppy was facing away from me with me pressed up against her back with my arm draped round her waist.

I remembered I hadn't called Tom. After carefully extracting myself off the bed without waking Poppy, I found my phone on the side and saw 23 missed calls;

_Missed call: Tom (7)_

_Missed call: Dougie (6)_

_Missed call: Danny (5)_

_Missed call; Mum (3)_

_Missed call: Dad (2)_

I then saw a number of texts on my phone too, but the first one I saw from Tom was enough to send fear bolting through my entire body: 'DUDE. CHECK. THE. NEWS.'

**A/N: OOOOH! Cliffhanger! Hopefully this chapter wasn't as bad as the last one! Please read and review, let me know what you thought and if you have any ideas! I'll try to update as soon as I can. Thanks again to holdmebackdumbledore for making all the corrections :') Thanks those who've has read this fic and are still reading! Xx**


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

**Harry's POV**

Poppy was still asleep on the bed, so I snuck out of the room to go downstairs into the hallway where I found the newspaper poking out of the letter slot in the door.

Opening it up I saw me and Poppy on the front page, but what made my jaw drop was the headline:

"GIRLFRIEND OF MCFLY DRUMMER ATTEMPTS SUICIDE AFTER DISCOVERED DRUG ADDICTION"

All of my feelings were mixed together, anger dominating my emotions. My hands crumpled the paper and I threw it to the ground. How fucking_dare_ they! Where did they even get that idea?!

I pulled my phone out of my pocket; all I saw was red as I called Tom.

"You saw it then?" he asked as soon as he picked up.

"Too fucking right I saw it. Who do they think they are? How dare they say Poppy was on drugs!" I grit out, my voice raising an octave toward the end.

"Just calm down and we'll sort it out," he replied calmly. "Has Poppy seen it yet?"

I just shook my head. "No, and she's not going to, she doesn't need this on her plate, too. We just need to get it sorted dude, who else has seen it?" I asked, not really wanting to hear the answer, fearing the worst.

"Everyone. It's in all the papers and magazines, man. Fletch has been on the phone to the press all morning trying to get the stories retracted. Just make sure Poppy doesn't see anything, we'll be over later, okay?" he told me before he hung up.

I had to make sure Poppy didn't find out anything about this. I knew I needed to try and act as normal as I could, so I went into the kitchen and made some tea to take up to her.

She was still peacefully asleep when I got upstairs, so I just put the mug on the side and sat on the bed next to her, and turned on the TV to find the news on, so I quickly put on the sports channel and turned the volume down so I wouldn't wake Pops up.

_2 hours later_

I was being shaken awake by Poppy. "Harry... Harry, there's someone banging on the door downstairs, I think it's the reporters, they haven't left yet..." she whispered sounding frightened. I sat up and bolted over to the window to look outside.

All the reporters had gone but there was someone standing at the door and all I could see was bleach blonde hair... It couldn't be, could it? I turned to Poppy. "Just wait here babe; I'll go see who it is…" I told her as I left the room and crept downstairs.

I opened the door to see it was her; a woman I hadn't seen for a long time. I didn't understand why she chose now to come back... After all this time.

"Well aren't you going to let me in Harry?" she said batting her eyelashes. She didn't wait for my answer as she pushed past me and let herself in, leaving me stood in the doorway, lost for words.

I turned around and saw her looking at a photo of me and Poppy, before putting it down carelessly.

"What are you doing here, Aimee?" I asked curiously, after so long, she decided to pop back into our lives now?

"I heard about what happened to Poppy... aren't I allowed to come visit my favourite sister at a time like this?" she gasped, putting her hand over her heart and feigning innocence. I knew there was more to it.

"Why now? Poppy hasn't heard from you in three years! Why do you choose now to make a sudden reappearance?" I snapped.

"Why not? Why aren't I allowed to see my baby sister, to check if she's okay?" she replied, anger lacing her tone, her hands on her hips in annoyance.

"Because-"

"Aimee?" I was interrupted by Poppy's struggle for breath. Aimee and I both turned to see Poppy standing on the stairs in her bed shorts and one of my old t-shirts, her eyes wide with surprise and shock from seeing her sister standing in the hall.

"Hey Popsicle! I've missed you! Come give your sister a hug!" Aimee all but screamed as she ran to Poppy and pulled her into a tight hug. She just hugged back, still slightly shocked but I could tell she missed her sister; the girl she's idolized since they were kids, but I'd always been suspicious of Aimee and I didn't think that was going to change any time soon. We were all sat in the living room, Poppy and me on one sofa, and Aimee in the armchair opposite us.

"Why haven't we heard from you in, what has it been? Like three years?" Poppy inquired as her head rested on my shoulder, my arm wrapped protectively around her.

"Well I have been travelling so I haven't been able to ring, and you know I'm not one for writing letters!" she laughed lightly, her eyes flitting between my arm around Pops and her head on my shoulder. A hard look fell over her face briefly before she seemed to compose herself and smile at us again.

Aimee quickly changed the subject, still avoiding the whole situation with Poppy and the press; she didn't even mention it once, to which I was relieved.

I only really joined in the conversation when I was spoken to, to let the two catch up. I offered them both some tea and before I padded off to the kitchen to make it, I heard Aimee telling Poppy all about her 'travels' and how she wished she could have called, blah blah blah.

As I handed Aimee her tea and sat down after giving Poppy hers, I heard the conversation go south.

"Are you going to stay at Mum and Dad's?" Poppy asked, sipping her tea.

"Well... I was planning on it, but then I remembered I didn't tell them I was going away... So I'm actually looking for a place to stay for a bit, until I gather up my courage!" she laughed again, eyeing Poppy to see her reaction to this turn of events.

"Well, you could stay here... In the guest bedroom?" Poppy suggested, looking at me with her puppy dog eyes.

Shit.

No she fucking can't.

No. No. No.

"Yeah that's fine," I forced out through gritted teeth, taking a sip of my tea to stop myself screaming: 'NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS! NOW GET THE FUCK OUT.'

Poppy smiled and squeezed my hand, knowing how much I don't like this idea, but I also understood that she wanted to be closer to her sister.

"Oh guys, that's so nice of you! I'll just go get my suitcase out of my car!" Aimee squealed excitedly, wait a second... suitcase?

What just happened?

**A/N: Please read and review! What did you guys think of Aimee? Please leave any questions or ideas you have! Thanks to everyone who has read and is still reading! :) xx**


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